When taking the 5th step in recovery, I needed to read it, process it, and then pray on it, to share with another how spiritually ill I was. It helped a great deal to have a recovery coach who I trusted to bare my soul to. From my earliest days, I was sent to a church and they often said “God is going to punish you for this or that”. When I became convinced that God forgives me when I wake up after going to sleep at night, and with every breath I take. It was easier to forgive myself for all the unhealthy things I’ve done to other’s as well as to myself. Our mother was the first person who I found the courage to address, with all the pain I caused her. My first born was next. When she said “I thought you didn’t love me, when you left mom”. I felt so small, that I caused her to feel that way. Her acceptance of my present state in recovery, surely inspires me to continue on this healthier journey. I actually feel very blessed to have been introduce to eastern traditions. These traditions along with training in the NADA 5-point ear therapy treatments, drives an internal engine to find peace in each present moment. I read all the fellowship literature that was suggested (Still do today) and read a book that suggested I say “goodbye to guilt”. Saying goodbye to guilt was huge for self-forgiveness. My high power (the universal god), lives inside. All external things are not as important as they once were. These 12 steps and traditions have,and continues to be a reminder of the deep despair I felt for so many years.